Her Doctor
by Hasufel
Summary: A look into Rose's thoughts as she grapples with the events of her last scene in "Journey's End" at Bad Wolf Bay. More detailed summary inside due to SPOILERS; if you have not seen the end of Series 4, beware!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Howdy folks! This story was written mainly for myself, and I wrote it rather quickly, so forgive me if it isn't brilliantly well written. It takes place during the scene in "Journey's End" at Bad Wolf Bay, when the Doctor leaves Rose with his Metacrisis. Having just watched that episode for the first time, I was grappling with my own emotions, struggling to come to terms with what had happened and how to help myself find closure in Rose's story. I decided to work out my own thoughts and feelings through the medium of Rose, imagining what might be gong through her head during the course of that scene. Again, it was written largely for me, but I thought I'd put it out there in case anyone else needed help coming to terms with Rose ending up with the Metacrisis Doctor. Enjoy! I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

Her Doctor

How could he do this to her? After all the time she'd spent trying to find him again, he couldn't simply leave her behind to live out the rest of her life with this...clone by her side. How did he expect her to live with something that would mock her pain, offering a tantalizing glimpse of what she had lost and what it had cost her? He loved her. She knew he loved her, had always known it with an unshakeable certainty. How could either of them ever be whole again if they parted now?

She stood between the two men, each of them regarding her with an identical intense, piercing gaze. Purposely turning to her right and ignoring the impostor, she looked at her Doctor and demanded that he tell her what he'd said to her the last time she'd stood in this place, the last time her life had splintered into irreparable fragments before her very eyes.

"I said, 'Rose Tyler'," he replied unflinchingly, his gaze meeting hers with open honesty—and yet she could feel him shutting himself off, withdrawing to a place she could not follow.

"And...how was that sentence going to end?" she prompted falteringly.

For a brief moment she could see the flash of pain, loss, and longing in his eyes as he replied, "Does it need saying?"

Trembling, she furiously blinked back the treacherous tears welling up in her eyes. This was as good as an open admission; he'd all but confirmed that he loved her, so why was he doing this? Why was he withdrawing, forcing a second and final separation on them? It made no sense, not when she was so positive of his feelings for her. How could he ever imagine she'd be able to live with some impostor bearing his face and speaking in his voice? This clone was no more than a cheap substitute for the Doctor, even if he was a product of...

_Regeneration energy._

The two words echoed in her mind, reverberating throughout her consciousness as though someone had shouted them—and in a sudden flash of clarity, she understood.

She'd felt this way before, of course; suspicious of an impostor and unwilling to accept the validity of a regeneration. This was the exact same way she'd felt when the Doctor had regenerated the last time. Could it be that this "impostor" was as much the Doctor now as the "new" Doctor had been then—just this time, it had taken her longer to realize it since the two of them were present simultaneously?

She heard her own voice from mere moments ago: _"But...it's still not right...cause the Doctor's—still you!"_ And his beloved voice answering, _"And I'm him."_

The ghost of other remembered words drifted across the surface of her mind, words in a different voice that was no less dear to her. _"It's a bit dodgy, this process. I might end up with two heads...or no head!"_

Dazed, blinking, she looked speechlessly between the two men. The Doctor had regenerated, but he hadn't ended up with two heads—he had two _bodies_. One Doctor. One beloved, heartbreakingly familiar spirit, embodied in two physical forms.

Except one of them possessed the life span of the Time Lords. The Doctor loved her, but one of his embodiments was physically incapable of spending the rest of his life with her; whereas the other...

Slowly, as if in a dream, she turned to her left and looked at the other Doctor. The same Doctor she'd travelled the universe with, the same Doctor who loved her, the same Doctor she loved from the depths of her soul—but now present to her in a form that wouldn't regenerate, that could change and grow old with her.

"And you, Doctor?" she queried, trying to maintain a demanding tone but hearing the waver in her own voice. "What was the end of that sentence?"

He heard the quiver in her voice, too, judging by the spark of mingled compassion and amusement that glinted in his deep brown eyes. Leaning in towards her, he bent to whisper in her ear, "I love you."

Her heart felt as though it would burst. He loved her, just as he always had. And now he'd found a form in which he didn't have to fear admitting it, where he could embrace the full truth and all it entailed without hesitation.

Feeling herself swell with love and joy at the unexpected fulfillment of all her hopes, she threw her arms around him and kissed him soundly. She felt his own arms come up to encircle her in an embrace that was so familiar and yet more intimate than it had ever been.

The whirr of the TARDIS jerked her from her blissful reverie, and she broke away from the Doctor's embrace, dashing several paces towards the disappearing blue box before coming to an abrupt halt.

The other Doctor was gone. Half of him would have to live without her, and she could only imagine his pain, what it had cost him to leave her behind, giving her his other self and sacrificing his own desires so that she could be happy.

A familiar hand slipped into her own and she grasped it tightly, clinging to its reassuring strength with all her might. The Doctor was gone, but he was also here with her, holding her hand. She turned and met his gaze, feeling her breath catch. He was still with her. Her Doctor. Hers forever.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Well, I wasn't expecting to write any more on this fic...but then I decided that Ten II needed a chance to come to terms with losing the TARDIS. Enjoy! Let me know what you think!_

He was frozen. Numb with shock, he stood by and watched helplessly as she faded away before his very eyes. His single heart shouldn't be able to ache with the strength of two, but _oh_, it did. Just like that, she was gone. All those years, all those centuries of running with her through the universe—only to have her ripped away. A dark void gaped within his mind where her comforting golden glow should be, soothing him with her presence. Gone. Dark. Empty. Alone.

But no...that wasn't right.

_"You are not alone."_

Had the message been meant for him all along? He wondered. Jack would have known about this, of course. Maybe the cryptic words of the Face of Boe hadn't referred to Professor Yana and the return of the Master at all. Maybe it was meant for him: this him, this metacrisis, for this very situation.

Fingers brushed his, and he grasped them with all his strength, hanging on to the lifeline they offered. He was not alone. He may have lost her...but he still had _her_.

To his surprise, he found that his eyes were moist as he turned and looked down into her open, compassionate gaze. His pain was reflected in her eyes—to a lesser degree, perhaps, but it was there all the same.

"She's gone, Rose," he choked, and even as he said it, he knew the words were unnecessary. She knew. She always knew.

"I know," she replied simply, and wrapped her arms around him. He clung to her, burying his face in her hair and inhaling her sweet, beautiful, familiar scent. He may be nothing more than a lost madman stranded on a beach without his box, but he had this...and this was right, at whatever cost.

Rose Tyler. Would she never stop saving him?

Silly. He knew the answer to that.

At last they drew apart, standing back and looking at each other. Ever so gently, she reached out for his hand and laced her fingers through it—and then she led him away a short distance across the beach. Bending down, she reverently lifted the piece of coral they'd been given from where it had been unceremoniously abandoned during their frenzied kiss. Cradling it as if it were the most precious thing in the world, she moved his hand so that it covered both the bit of coral and her own hand.

"We still have her," she said quietly. "She's right here. And before long, she'll be all grown up and herself again. The same TARDIS...yeah?"

He could hear the question in her voice, and his single heart clenched as he understood the source of her uncertainty. She needed to know if he believed that this TARDIS was the same entity as the other TARDIS, just as she struggled to accept that he was the same Doctor as the other Doctor.

Finally, a grin broke across his face, because there didn't need to be any uncertainty; she was right. That little bit of coral was their TARDIS, just as he was the Doctor.

"Yeah," he replied, firmly and without hesitation. "The same TARDIS. There's just two of her now. Sounds...weird, I know." He glanced at her, a smile still tugging at the corners of his lips. She caught his eye and grinned sheepishly. She knew as well as he did that he wasn't talking about the TARDIS anymore.

"Don't worry, Doctor," she replied. "I've gotten used to weird, being around you."

Smirking, he reached up and brushed a wisp of hair away from her face. "Still the Doctor then?" he asked casually, humor dancing in his deep brown eyes as he echoed words from their past.

He knew she recognized them too, as the light in her eyes became teasing and she stuck the tip of her tongue between her teeth. "No arguments from me."


End file.
